i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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