just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
