Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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