I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
