Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
