Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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