You made me cry and you don't even care
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
