you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
