I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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