I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
