i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize