Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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