btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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