I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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