Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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