Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
