You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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