In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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