In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
