i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
