i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
