She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
