I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
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