Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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