My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
