I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
