you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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