I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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