I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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