I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
