Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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