Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize