Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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