Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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