i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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