im about as happy as oj after his trial
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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