I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
