Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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