so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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