you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
