The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
