You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
