youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
