if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
