she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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