I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
