***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
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