I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
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apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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