North Korea, Best Korea!
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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