I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
