but the lizard people decide everything anyway
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
