I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
