He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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