You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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