The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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