thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
