this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
