she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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