Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I love how my cats smell like pot.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
