i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
