Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
