i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
