i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
