Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
