I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
